my heart swells with pride. my sweet chloe has determine to

crawl, pull herself up, and walk along furniture

all in the last two weeks!

its seems she's growing up way too fast.

i want to slow it all down, and capture every minute,

and yet i am also longing to hear her speak the words 'i love you'...

guess i can't have both can i?

19. watching chloe learn to crawl!

20. girls night pedi's & mani's

21. quiet time to read a good book

22. aidan's from the heart prayers

23. off MY vine tomatoes!

24. my hubbies soft side!

25 . inspirational words

wordless sighs

i have a million thoughts, but nothing to write. words have never failed me before, but now my prayer journal sits with only the smudge from my bleeding pen. i sit here to share and i come up empty. oh, i'm sure i could write about that cute thing Aidan said or how Chloe is learning to clap. though that is not what is going on deep in the trenches of my soul. where are the words? and then i realized my God knew i'd be here long before i came...

....if we don't know how or what to pray,

it doesn't matter.

He does our praying in and for us,

making prayer out of our wordless sighs,

our aching groans....

Romans 8:26 (the Message)

16) the Comforter

17) the Word

18) the quiet

Gratitude 8-15

8) beating the muggy heat with air conditioning

9) aunties who shower my kids with gifts

10) home coming after a long day away

11) sweet afternoon snuggles with my boy

12) coffee on early mornings (like today)

13) no iron shirts

14) freebies from Mary Kay

15) celebrating Manny's 77 years

1000 Gifts-the beginning

So here begins MY list of 1000 gifts. Not gifts i want....(though that would be fun) but gifts i have already. I'll blog them here randomly when i have gathered a few in my pocket. This is not my original idea..i joined the Gratitude Community a while ago, but i haven't begun blogging my list...some are way to personal~some are not!

1) late morning sleep- ins

2) my sons child-like faith

3) my babies giggles & coos

4) new- budding friendships

5) dandelions hand-picked with love

6) soft baby sweaters knitted with love

7) sweet sibling love

Grace to go

you know, I think that God wants me to make sure that what i'm learning i'm really going to use. i can't get into the details of it all...way to personal..but I've had plenty of time to practice what I'm learning.

So shortly before i went on my retreat i finished reading Beth Moore's So Long Insecurity book. so much was at the front of my mind..and heavy on my heart...that when Grace started talking on much of the same i knew God was trying to tell me something...all of us woman. infact it dawned on me that GOD has used many popular authors Grace, Beth, and Max to name a few to send us the same message in a different book....trust God. sounds simple, sounds rather like a pat answer to me..but after a close look i'm starting to get it.

In the book mentioned above Beth tells of a conversation she had with God i will set the stage for you as humbly as i can as i'm no writer. Beth was telling us in this chapter that she had a conversation with God. God basically said "tell me your greatest fears" and she begged him not to push, but she eventually told him. God pushed her to see it through..to picture the 'worst case scenario' in her mind...to play it through imagining all the grief, all the loss, and sorrow that would accompany it. then God said....what happens next? and Beth realized that she'd probably be an emotional wreck...lie in bed for days, grieving, and feeling devastated. then eventually she'd pick herself up, get on her knees and seek the face of Jesus like she did EVERY OTHER time trouble came. and then God said to her this...

"As long as you are going to borrow trouble on the future, why don't you just go ahead and borrow the grace to go with it and see yourself back up on your feet defying your enemy's odds just as you and *I* have a dozen other times."

pretty powerful eh? heres another quote

Both Psalm 112:7-8 and Prov.31:25 describe secure people. Not coincidentally, they have one profound character in common. Neither gives the future the right to intimidate them. Their hearts are 'steadfast trusting in the LORD.'. Insecurity feeds like a starving wolf off fear of the future.-and not just the distant future of aging, infirmity, or death. Insecurity fears what might happen later today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Next week. Next Year. Next decade. Its constant mantra "What will i do if.....?" Fear of the future makes people settle for things in the present that completely defy abundant life. It also insults the grace of God that will be in heaps for us when hardships come. We agonize over how we'll possibly make it, yet all the while we can glance over our shoulders and see where God has carried us. And often through worse than we're afraid of now"

I have to admit I've been' borrowing trouble from tomorrow' for years...living with so much 'fear of the future' that it has crippled me. It has affected my friendships, family life, career, education, and most regrettably my relationship with God. my trust in God sounds more like 'God i trust that you'll bring the right man into my life' or 'God i trust that you'll keep my family safe'...not just ' God...i trust you.' thats hard...so in all of this- this crazy storm i'm currently in, i'm trying to remember that God HAS brought me threw sooo much. That He has prosperous plans for me...and that He will give me the grace to go through all of this...and the stuff to come.

Practicing the Presence of God

a week ago i came back from my weekend retreat. it was amazing. beyond the spiritual aspect of it all..i was able to sleep uninterrupted (no crying baby or snoring hubby!) i spent the day walking, crafting, and visiting with some terrific woman. I felt like Jenna again...not only 'mommy' or 'Aidan's mommy'. I came home rested..and have now had some time to reflect on what God had to say to me. I'll try to make a series of posts on all that i'm learning right now.

I'm sure i'm not alone in the battle to remain constant in my devotions..my time alone with God. It really is a struggle i hate. I miss the passion, the burning desire to spend my every moment in God's presence. I miss the way He was the first thing on my mind when i woke, and the last thing when i laid my head to sleep at night. Life happened...some storms, and babies. Life came and took over...and some how the intimacy with God got left behind. I've been so out of the practice of coming to God..that I sound more like an acquaintance..then companion when i do manage to slip in a devotion. So, i find that i have been quickly slipping in requests, and filling the silence with lots of talk for fear that I'll have to be accountable for my lack of commitment. Not to mention silently praying that my luke warm commitment will be enough...yet all along craving more. does that make sense?

So this past weekend Grace Fox (our speaker) spoke about how to Embrace God in the Storms of Life. One of the steps she gave spoke right to where i've been. Practice the Presence of God. Her point was this. If we train ourselves to spend time daily with God, in prayer and the Word, when lifes storms come (when and not if) we will naturally run to God. Now...i don't know about you..but when storms come i don't naturally run to God..I run to my friends, to Yves, or to the fridge. when all that is exhausted..and i still need help..i run to God. how crazy is that? The trouble is...I've stayed teh same ..rarely growing, rarely learning. always settling for a casual relationship with the King who LONGS to have intimacy with me. I have been thinking about this long enough..time to take action..and now i know the tools i need. and its not that hard in actuality...the more i spend with God, the more i want to spend. The more i learn..the more i want to learn.

So, her i am on week two of Practicing the Presence of God...DAILY. I may not be able to spend an hour like i used to..but i'm taking some time every day to hear God's voice, to share my heart with Him, and listen to His. To reconnect in a personal way. And its been amazing. I feel like i'm finally growing again.

jesus talk

so i'm loving aidan's interest in Jesus. everyday there are more and more conversations building on previous ones. i know i already wrote on my facebook about how aidan asked why Jesus made him a boy and not a transformer...well today he asked " when Jesus made us did he use glue to keep our hair on our heads?" at night we have always prayed together..and recently i realized i haven't taught him the Lords Prayer, which i was taught to say as a very young girl. so i told him about a prayer that grampa taught me when i was little and asked if he wanted to learn it....and now every night he asks 'should we do grampa's prayer or our prayer?" he's also getting braver at saying grace his prayer has grown from a quick"thank you Jesus, for food. amen' to "thank you Jesus for food, bless our bodies. amen" so i'm encouraged by his interest...a few months ago he asked me where Jesus lived, and i told him he lives in our hearts if we ask Him.. he replied, 'only your heart, not mine'. while i know he's only four, and not really understanding it all...my heart is swelling as he shows more interest in our creator... in my savior.