wham!

it was suppose to be a great mother-son afternoon...baking christmas cookies, and listening to christmas music. but instead it was almost a complete disaster! shortly after getting srarted i became overwhelmed. i was going crazy with his mess, impulsiveness, and about 10,000 questions...basically he was just being a 4 year old. i was trying soo hard to keep my cool to get my wits about me, and to not completely ruin the experience for him by yelling, and taking over completely. I began to search my heart for why i found this so very hard to enjoy. i mean, here i was making christmas cookies for the first time with my boy...and being with him is like greatest thing i can do...so why was i hating it? suddenly it all made sense......here i was at thirty-freakin'-three making shortbread for the first time....a 'traditionally' mother/daughter thing to do..and i was feeling like once again i missed out..all the old 'poor me' feelings flooded my heart, and threatened to take over my precious moments with my son. i realized that i wasn't mad at aidan, but i was feeling ripped off because my mom wasn't around when i was growing up... after all those years of therapy...and wham...one more issue to work through! (i have a feeling there are a few more!) i truly thought i was done with all this crap. (mom if your reading this...this isn't to make you feel bad/guilty...i really have forgiven you..i'm really not angry...just sad, as i know it makes you..) anyway once i realized what was going on inside of me, i was able to put it aside for a just a bit (and had my pity party/good cry later on!) ...and then i really just focused on making it a good memory for aidan and i. and here is the really cool part...i got to share in a first with my son.

yesterday we BOTH made short bread cookies for the FIRST time in our lives...and guess what ..they don't taste too bad!

all i want for christmas.....

well its that time of year again... toy commercials on every channel and toys in every aisle of every store. this is the first year that aidan really understands that he's getting stuff on christmas morning, ...and so he's been waiting like every other kid with eager anticipation. several times a day Aidan runs up to me with updates to his ridiculously long Christmas/birthday list saying " i want this....will you buy it for me?" at first we'd just say 'we'll see' but day after day, hour after hour it has started to wear on nerves...lately when he asks i end up telling him "i don't even know why you want toys...all you ever want to do is watch treehouse!" it seems with each passing day i get more and more annoyed with him...and maybe even myself for managing to raise a greedy kid. so when our church brought in the christmas shoe boxes, i thought that would give me an opportunity to teach him a lesson in giving....as oppose to getting...as well as doing a great thing for a child who has very little. i had hoped rather naively that this would solve the problem! however, the entire shopping trip was filled with "ooh mommy can i have that too?" so on my drive home i devised a plan...and when we got home i sat him down in front of my laptop and showed him the saddest world vision videos on youtube that i could find saying "LOOK this kid has NOTHING...NOT EVEN HIS ARM!!!" but still every day, several times a day i am bombarded with the gazillion requests.. i'm at my wits end...and so when he came up to me this time saying "mom i want a bounce back race car and a train table and a robot, a remote car and a car mat -will you buy that for me?" I looked at him and said what i've been saying every day for weeks, but this time with a lot of frustration and perhaps a bit of anger.....'aidan, your birthday is in two weeks, christmas is two weeks after that...STOP ASKING ME FOR STUFF! GIFTS ARE MEANT TO BE SURPRISES" this time adding "AND NO ONE WANTS TO BUY GIFTS FOR GREEDY BOYS!" aidan looked at me with sorry in his eyes and said reassuringly to me ' mom, i'm sorry, but its just hard for us kids!' i guess its been too long for me to remember what its like to be a kid.

ahhhh

while cuddling this morning aidan snuggles in and puts his head on my chest, he's quiet for a moment and says...'mom....i can hear Jesus in your heart!'

Introducing....

so i need to decide...do i resume blogging...or do i delete this blog! a year ago i decided to start this...and i just never really got into it. found it hard to find things blog worthy...i'm a journaler, just not sure i'm into this public journaling. who really wants to know whats going on in this head of mine?

anyway, i'll try it one more time. maybe now that i have a new baby...#2...i'll have more exciting things to blog about..not that aidan doesn't give me plenty of stories! so...here goes nothing...ahhhh

aidan's sick

so, im a bit disappointed as tomorrow was supposed to be aidan's first day at preschool..but he's now too sick. when he woke up he seemed a bit sniffly with the odd cough..but now he is whinny, cranky and helpless...like any other man when he's sick. after his nap he crawled around saying "aidan's sick" with such sadness and desperation in his voice. at one point i told him to get up and stop draggin himself around...when he wasnt listening to me (whats new) I asked "how many times do i have to ask you?" he said "three...i'm sick" i mean seriously??? who feeds him these lines?

'aidan break'

and the Oscar goes to..... AIDAN KIMBO for 'aidan break'. sooo this is the story...i had the cutest video of aidan saying happy new years..and i wanted to post it...and then some how i accidentally deleted it. try as i may...he was not in a co-operatvie mood. what amazes me is how he never cracks a smile...here he is with a broken voice....

so this is the one where he was miraculously healed....but bouncing all over the place.

the moral of the story....multitasking isnt always a good thing...when your a space cadet like me.