today was a tough day...it usually is when yves heads outta town. he left before we were even awake, and so aidan felt ripped off for his kiss good-bye. if i'm honest, i felt ripped off too. the morning was a challenge. aidan had a couple friends over..and as always he had issues with sharing, whining and not having the spot light. like all moms do, i want him to grow up to be a good man, much like his father. mostly i want him to make it to adulthood without me messing him up. . and from the looks of things... its gonna be tough.
over coffee and playdoh today, us moms were discussing spanking... and while i am not changing my opinion on spanking...i am realizing how lately its just become too much. SPANKING seems to be the magic word around here..'do you want a spanking?" is the threat i spew at him about 30 X a day. i hate it. i hate that i am always sounding like a nag...and i know i sound like one because aidan has taken to becoming a mirror for which i can see my many flaws in. yesturday after recieving a spanking he bravely scolded me saying "that mean mommy" and then today i could hear him mocking me whilst he played saying "no dont do that a-gain' over and over. then...the icing on the cake, tonight he looks at me shaking his head and says 'aidans not nice boy-no'. i was shocked. i quickly recovered enough to say the appropriate 'no honey, aidan is a nice boy...sometimes you DO 'not nice' things..but aidan is a very NICE boy."
how is it that when i look at all you wonderful moms out there you seem to have an abundance of patience...a loving almost singsong voice with your kids. you are all such amazing moms...and i just feel so inadequate when im really honest...
in the last few weeks aidan has taken to biting his nails...and my biggest fear is that he's doing this as a nervous habit, because im a monster. which is how i must look to him..or thats how i feel anyway.
i know that you are all thinking...'oh, dont worry jenna your a great mom' or 'its just a bad day...tomorrow will be bette' but truth is...i could be better..ya..i know we all could but i guess i'm just realizing just how much i need to change...and after sitting here wondering why my son is so mean to other kids...im left wondering if its my doing...if he's hearing more negative messages in a day..."dont do that, dont touch this, what did i say? why won't you listen? DO YOU WANT A SPANKING?" trouble is...this is all such a pattern..his behaviour...mine...we are a mess...and i take 100% blame...i want to change it all..its just that i dont know where to begin...
I see other moms that way too and feel like such a failure with my own kids. And while most people will try to tell me that all is well, and everybody struggles with their children -- I know that the way my kids treat ME (my issue is more how they treat me than how they treat other kids) is not normal, nor is it acceptable. And there are people close enough to me to make me aware that even though I may be a great Mom...the way they act is not how most other kids act.
ReplyDeleteSo -- while I DO want to say that you are a great Mom, I am also not going to sweep it under the rug and make you think you are over-reacting. Obviously you see things that you want to change as a parent (as do I), and I encourage you to make those changes. It won't be easy, but if you are dedicated to it, I know you will be able to do it. We are in this TOGETHER!!
ps: I agree with spanking too. We don't really do it to our kids anymore, since we have found other tactics work better -- but I am definitely not against it.
ReplyDeleteoh my issue is also how he treats me..how he ignores me and his tone of voice. i also think we are suffering from cabin fever...cold winters suck!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all HUGS!
ReplyDeleteSecond, if you really think that what you are doing is not the right thing for Aiden, then I suggest reading about different tactics and finding one that you think you can apply to your life.
I don't claim to be the best parent, and maybe in public it looks fine but when we are home, things are not always like that! I just don't yell in public ;)
Being a mom is THE hardest job. Everyone has areas they struggle in. I like Pam's suggestion. Not all tactics work for everyone - I know you will find something that works for your family. And you've got lots of friends around to support you and encourage you. Me being one of them!
ReplyDeleteThanks ladies...we are working on it...i think that its going to take awhile to break habits...like his whinning/screaming and my quick annoyance. I have enough understanding and knowledge on different tactics..but the hard part is actually changing the behavior...he's a great kid for the most part...we just have to get through this bump in the road!
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